Gallbladder Blog

Ever since I've had my gallbladder removed I've found people all around me that have had the same surgery. It's like when I filed bankruptcy. I thought I was all alone until I mentioned it to people and heard "Oh, me too." and "Oh, my mom did that" etc, etc. But I digress...

My gallbladder, or lack thereof, is ruining my life this week. I frequently skip breakfast to spend precious moments in bed. Then I'll go to work. The hungrier I get, the more it hurts. And I don't mean "oh I'm hungry" I mean "OH MY GOD THE PAIN!" When I do eat something the bile that has been eating away at my stomach suddenly makes me.. well to put it bluntly ... it feels like your asshole is on fire. No matter what I eat! Something low-fat the doctor says. Oh yeah?!!?!?!!?

Salads? Oh no. Lettuce is the devil, and cabbage and broccoli are it's evil minions. Grilled chicken? No. Anything closely resembling food? Nope, can't eat it.

But because of the pain, I have to eat. So no one wins, except maybe the Quilted Northern people.

I also burp and belch. I used to lay there after meals and wish I could burp, but I didn't know how. I'd try to get my male friends to show me. But NOW I actually.. well to tell the truth, I find it kind of impressive. I still say "Sorry! Tee-hee!" but it's obvious I really don't mean it.

Another very attractive thing to add to the list is the sudden and complete knowledge that something I've just bitten into is NOT going to be digested well. Like the day my classmate Joe bought me a muffin. Thanks, Joe. I bit into the muffin and realized immediately from the way it tasted that it was going to make me sick. So it was either be really sick or spit the muffin out. I spit the muffin out. (But I didn't feel too bad cause I think Joe stole that muffin from the art department bake sale.)

I go into the world a divorcee who can't digest stolen muffins, belches like a linebacker after a sip of Pepsi, and canNOT eat an eggroll unless I'm safely at home. Good thing I'm not interested in dating...