10 years old
For those of you that have lived alone, you may or may not understand the trepedition with which I face tonight. Alex is in Reno. We are officially seperated. Tonight I will be alone.
Alone.
God that looks lonely.
Since he left Saturday, I haven't spent a day alone. I've been with friends every night. I could be with friends or family tonight. I just kept changing my mind about what I wanted to do and couldn't find my sister who I REALLY need to go see, it's been weeks...
Facing a night alone frankly scares me a little, which is why I think I'm gonna go ahead and stay home by myself. I'm gonna do whatever I want, cook whatever I want, listen to whatever music I want.
But oh God I feel 10 years old right now, and the fear is gripping my chest and I kind of want to cry a little (but I'm not cause I'm so tired of doing that). I am lucky and blessed to have friends and family I can call on anytime. They will be happy to see me. But eventually I'm going to have to be alone, right? So might as well bite the bullet.
Fuck, I'm really scared, and kind of ashamed to admit it. Anybody got any good uplifting stories about how they were alone and scared but they made it? Huh? Anybody....
Cause if you do come over tonight and tell me! (hee!)
posted by Cookie @ Thursday, May 26, 2005
1 Comments:
You can hang out with friends, but you're right. You have to get to the "alone place," too. I made a list (cause I am a chronic list-maker) of things I liked to do, just me.
I like to read.
I like movies.
I like to journal.
I like to collage.
I like to go on walks.
And then I did those things. I felt most pitiful eating alone. But I didn't feel pitiful at all when doing things that I liked, for me.
Go, Cookie! Alone or with support.
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