A Blog Post Where No One Dies

Me, Les, Jaimie & Fellykish went to see "Zack & Miri Make a Porno" the other night. It was so funny, I absolutely loved it.. especially Justin Long. He's one of my boyfriends, you know. So the other night I was talking to Les, and I said:

I'm going to make Justin Long my boyfriend.

Really?

Yeah. Do you think we'll be happy?

Of course!

I wonder what we'll fight about.

Hmmm...

Oh, I know! We'll fight about Drew.

Yeah!

I'll be like "Oh, I'm sorry, you don't like how I do things? Well maybe I should do them more like DREW BARRYMORE, huh? Would that make you happy??"

Oooh, that'll make him mad.

I won't care. I'll be like "Excuse me for not being one of the Charlie's Fucking Angels, what-ever!"

Excuse me for not being in E.T.!

Oh, that's a good one. Wait, I got it. "Excuse ME for not being in REHAB when I was FIFTEEN!"

Yeah! Lean on him!

I'm so sorry I can't stay in a stable relationship with ANYONE for any length of time! I'm sorry I married Tom Green!

Oh, I was just about to say that about Tom Green!

That's a good one. I'm blogging this.

You should. Don't forget the part where I said "Lean on him!"

Okay, which part did that come in at?

It was after the rehab thing.

Oh, right! Yeah, okay, I'll put it in there.

I want it to seem like I'm still around. Like you and Justin are fighting, and I'm just over in the corner interjecting things to help you out.

You'll totally be there. You'll seduce some little newbie into the comedy world.

I'll crush him.

Fuck yes you will, he'll be over at our house and I'll be like "Dude, Justin and I cannot get any alone time cause your BOYFRIEND is over here CRYING in the kitchen!"

I'll already be with someone else.

Yeah you will, that's why he'll be crying.

This is a good one.

I just thought of another one! "Ohhh, well I'm so SORRY I didn't show my TITS on DAVID LETTERMAN!"

~