Ramblings

I was watching for it to rain a few minutes ago and a feather fluttered and flipped and sailed right past my window. I wonder what happened to the bird... I have a lot of free time on my hands.

In other exciting news ....(seatbelts please)

This morning at somewhere around 6am, the barking of a dog awoke me. Now, if I was Cinderella, and I am, I would have greeted the sound with joy. Ah, good morning world! Good morning dog! Thank you for repeatedly shouting your greeting to the sun! I would have floated to the window and rested my chin in my hands on the freshly painted windowsill. Little birds would have twittered down to my perch and I would have laughed with uncontainable mirth (ah ha ha ha ha ha! oh little birds!) and maybe baked them some sort of.... bird.. muffins...

Needless to say, I had an off morning. At first I laid there not moving hoping that someone that lived there would come out and quiet the dog. No. When my brain finally wrapped itself around the knowledge that it was *never* going to stop barking (30 minutes later) I rolled over and squinted at the clock. I groaned. Damnit, dog.

I daydreamed about going out in my pjs and wild bed-hair and flailing my arms while screaming profanities. I dreamed of Zulu warriors blowing tranq darts through the fence and the blessed quiet that would follow. Until of course, they started with the chanting and the dancing...

15 minutes later after, and 45 minutes into non-stop barking, I shuffled to the shower and started getting ready. I blew my hair dry and ironed my clothes and pulled my hair up and laid down to watch the news. The dog didn't stop barking. I finally curled up into the fetal position with my breakfast and relaxed, shutting out the sound of the dog. And it stopped. Ah, blessed silence. I had 30 minutes that I could grab some sleep since I was already ready for work. I closed my eyes, the comforting lull of the air conditioner making me....

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
*no, no!*
BARK BARK BARK
*please doggie, I hate you*
BARK BARK BARK
*oh, please, doesn't some ornery old man live nearby that owns a gun?*
BARKITY BARK BARK BARKING BARK BARK BARK

He didn't shut up. Since I don't have an exact street address (cause I can't remember the house number) I have to wait until I get it to make a police complaint. That's right! I'm complaining. Not that it will help. But I don't care anymore. Cause I'm sick to death of that barking dog and the way you can't figure out how to get in your car without setting off the car alarm 8 times, the booming bass that permeates my bedroom at odd hours, the way you shout to your wife, how she slams the screen door when you do, the work you do in the driveway that is SO FUCKING LOUD and I've been sweetness and light and I've tried to be NICE TO YOU and keep my mouth shut but CINDERELLA CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH, FUCKERS!!!!!

You are officially off my "wave to you as I drive by" list, neighbors. I hope the crushing punishment of that makes you change your ways.

Okay, maybe I will wave. BUT I WON'T MEAN IT!