Last Tuesday

Last week was insanely busy. I went out every night. Here is what I did Tuesday night.

I went to see the www.postsecret.com guy, and the www.foundmagazine.com guys at Workplay in Birmingham with Leslie, Fellykish, and a little someone I like to call Celeste.

We found out that a gallon of Chick Fila lemonade was $8.35. We made a lot of jokes about that. You might think “How many jokes could you make?” I mean, I don’t have a number for you, but it’s 147.

We got to the bar and had drinks, and found out that Celeste and Leslie dated the same man! Which is funny if you’re me, at least.

We got our tickets and a good table and picked out our boyfriends from the crowd. Leslie liked the floppy haired ones, Felly liked the Not Gay ones, and I liked the angry looking ones. Like “Oh I hate these effing post cards with secrets on them, man! Look at my anarchy tattoo! My secret is that I hate everything! Grrr, I’ll never change!”

We got a waitress, and I had drinks. They’re expensive, and themed after movies. I had the “Dazed & Confused” and there was no description, only something under it that said “Say, man, have you had one of these? It’d be a lot cooler if you did.” So really I didn’t care what was in it, cause I love that movie, and that line, and so I ordered it over and over. And over.

Frank from Post Secret came out, and the lights went down, and in his soothing voice he told us what it was like to be America’s secret keeper. He was charming, warm, and witty in a very sweet way. He told us all about how he got started, that people that say they don’t have any secrets always have the best ones, and even a little about his relationship with his mail carrier. (which I had been wondering about) He showed some never before seen post cards, which made us all gasp, or laugh, or both. When the lights came back up, the whole room felt nicer. It was pretty rad.

The Found Magazine guys were hilarious. My personal favorite was Dave, because he was very funny. Fellykish & Leslie liked floppy-haired Peter (Dave’s brother) who sang a few songs based on some Found material. Probably the most memorable was the story of how they found “The Booty Tape” and how Peter re-mixed “The Booty Don’t Stop” song from it into his own acoustic version that I can’t stop singing. My favorite line? “I want to tap that ass like a telephone, and call you up when I’m feelin alone”

Dave read some of his favorite Found things. My personal favorites were a list that Dave & his brother found called “Shit That Needs to be Done” (shoot ak-47’s!) and this:



Isn’t he cute?

Celeste left during the last part with the Found Guys while I was in the bathroom with Leslie. She told Felly that she was going to a bar about 6 blocks away. So I get back to the table, and Celeste is GONE. WTF, mate?

After the show, we all bought our schwag. I got Dirty Found #3 (sounds like what it is, what is is…) and Leslie said hilarious things to Peter that made me wish I was as awesome like her.

Dave from Found signed our filthy porn. I had no trouble talking to him at all, which means I was a little drunk. He very amiable (I’m borrowing that word from Jane Austen), and is someone who looks you right in the eye when he speaks to you and says your name like he’s actually trying to remember it.

He asked me how to spell my name, because people ALWAYS 2nd guess themselves when I tell them my name is Cookie. So, I spell it. “C-o-o-k-i-e” and Leslie says “Yeahhhh like the kind you eat, like the kind you put all in your MOUTH!”

Thank you, Leslie.

Leslie got her Post Secret book signed by Frank, who was just as friendly as he seemed he’d be. I can’t imagine anyone ever getting angry at him because he is so NICE. (except his wife, because it’s easy to piss your wife off. By breathing)

So then we left, and read what Dave wrote in our books like it was a yearbook, and did that excited-girl-giggling thing. It’s possible that I made fun of these girls that were being overly-overly with the Found guys. I might’ve mocked them a little, and… maybe I said they had The Chlamydia. But in a funny way!

As we’re leaving Workplay, Leslie and I hear “I’m not dangerous!” We turn, and there is a bum shuffling down the street behind us. Then he whacks us. Okay, not really, he stopped to give us flowers. Isn’t that completely selfless of him? I totally started believing in the power of love. Then he asked for money, we say no, and he takes his flowers back. Technically, he wasn’t dangerous…. but he sure hurt my feelings.

Also, we can’t find Celeste. Felly is on the phone with her during this, and Celeste is passing the phone around to people at the bar she is at, and some irritated-sounding sober man is trying to give Felly directions. When we do find the bar she’s at, the bartender is waiting at the door for us. I’m not saying he was anxious to get Celeste out of his bar, but I will say I think he would have offered us each a gallon of ChickFila lemonade to take her off his hands. And maybe flowers, which HE would’ve let us keep, I bet.

The drive home was unforgettable, yo. And long. So very long….

And that’s what happened on Tuesday.

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