The Sexy Tour

It is no secret that I love Jim Gaffigan, so when I got the chance to see him in Birmingham, I was forced to get over my fear of..... well, everything, and buy tickets.

Worth. Every. Penny.

The Alabama Theater is absolutely gorgeous. The only bad thing about it was the 500 million stairs we had to walk up to get to our seats. I really didn't think I was gonna make it at one point. I literally had to stop a few times and sip my cocktail so I could keep going. I kept imagining this really dramatic scene where I fell, and Leslie tried to stop and help me, but I selflessly told her to "keep going... one of us *cough* one of us has to .... has to .." (and then I died, and Leslie has this really dramatic scene where she falls to her knees and looks to the sky asking "Why, God, Why" while the camera spirals above her. And it's raining.)

So, okay, back to Jim.

His opening act was really funny, his name is Rich Brooks. You know how sometimes the opening act totally sucks? Not in this case. Rich Brooks is pretty hilarious. I can't remember how long he was on stage, but it seemed like it just flew by.

And then Jim came out!!!!!! *SQUEE*

I was so excited. Rock Stars, Schmock Stars, I'm all about comedians. I can't resist a guy that makes me laugh. I could barely see him from our seats, but I didn't care. It was Jim! And it was LIVE! HEE!!

He was great. I wish I knew a better words than "great & funny" so that I could communicate with you how hilarious this man is. I've seen his stand-up so many times that I have a lot of it memorized, but he still made it all fresh and new for me. I laughed from the minute he came out until he ended his set. Laughter is my favorite thing in the whole world, especially when it's helpless and silly, and that's exactly what it was last night. Jim Gaffigan tells jokes you wouldn't be embarrassed to hear in front of your mother. He doesn't shock you into laughter. He's just FUNNY.

He did the "Hot Pocket" bit, and the crowd went WILD. Leslie and I were waiting for him to sing ~dead pocket~ and when he did, we noisily yelled "YAAAAAAAAY!" and clapped for him (the people around us were not as impressed). As the show was winding down (he did an encore) Leslie dragged me down the endless flights of stairs to the meet & greet. The line was still pretty long but neither of us cared. I wanted to meet him, and that's all there was to it.

Oh shiiiit.. I almost forgot. The girls in line behind us! One of them reached for her phone "to call him" (him being some dude she was into I guess), and:

Girl 2: Oh, don't. Maybe you shouldn't.
Girl 1: No, no we're friends now, it's cool. I can call him. I have his phone number now.
Girl 2: If you're sure
Girl 1: Yeah, yeah, it's cool, I want to tell him about the bacon.

(oh you guys, the BACON! I've never spent 15 minutes laughing about bacon before)

Girl 1: *calls* Hi! I just saw Jim Gaffigan. Gaffigan. He's like, pale? And like, tall? And he .... um, he's the guy that does the ~hot pocket~ thing? You know, he's on "My Boys" on TBS. Oh. Okay, well anyway.. he did this whole funny thing about bacon? He was like.... "Bacon is like, the fairy dust of the food world" and you just like, sprinkle it on stuff, and it like, makes it all better? And it was soooo funny, and I thought of you, cause of how you like bacon, and I just wanted to tell you about it!

I wish I could've heard the other portion of that conversation. I know I didn't do a good job of how terribly awkward (and ~awesome~) it was to hear someone totally bomb like that on the phone with someone else.

Back to Jim! You guys, he was the nicest person. You know me, I'm a totally shy, nervous, freak. As soon as it was our turn, it was like he did some sort of magic spell. He was just so genuine that it was impossible to be nervous around him. He looked you in the eye, he smiled, and the first thing he said was a totally sincere "Hey, thank you guys so much for coming out." as if we were old friends doing him a favor by being there. Of course Leslie and I are nerds, so we just chimed in together with a chorus of "Thank YOU for coming HERE!"

I got a poster signed for Dana's son, A.J. (signed "AJ Pocket) and told Jim who it was for, and that A.J. totally worshipped him. I didn't even tell A.J. that I was going (which was soooo hard) because sadly, Dana & family could not go. (this was heartbreaking, as Dana & I totally bonded our first day of work over Jim Gaffigan) I cannot WAIT to give it to A.J. That might be the best part of the whole thing.

Jim signed my poster "To Cookie, My Pale Princess" I'm a PRINCESS!

He signed Leslie's "To Leslie, I love you" At first I was jealous that he loved her, but then she pointed out that I was his princess, and you know, she had a point. If I'm a princess, that means I get the unicorn. Finally, being pale pays off.

We posed for a picture with him - he is the perfect mix to pose with, he's not all weird like "please don't touch me" and he's not "creepy "heyyyyy ladies" guy", either. The camera died as soon as Rich Brooks took the picture, and we all 3 went "Awwwwww... " at the same time. Jim made a joke about how we all sounded equally saddened, but luckily Les had her camera phone so we were able to get a picture with him. Leslie TOTALLY fingered his back the whole time we were hugged up with him. Slut.

The whole night was great. I felt just like a little kid again. I even fell asleep in the car on the way home and got whiny when I had to wake up. All in all, it was money well spent. I can't believe I've been lucky enough to see both Margaret Cho and Jim Gaffigan in the span of just a few months. I'm a lucky girl!

(edited to add: One of the OTHER best parts was getting to see Leslie be so excited. Don't let her fool you later when she's sarcastic again, she was just as silly and dreamy over him as I was. Ha-Ha, I outed you as a softie, you crusty ol' bitch)

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