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I didn't call the police about my neighbors. I had to run some errands after work and coming home I was so distracted because I had hidden weed in my bra and I didn't want to get pulled over, especially since I was drunk. Not to mention the bags of guns I had hidden in the trunk of my car, and to make room back there we had to carve the body into pieces.. well needless to say.. it slipped my mind, complaining about the dog.

But the dog was quiet today, so que sara sara.

I found an online site with a Magic 8-ball and I asked it if I should buy a Magic 8-ball, and it said "As I see it yes". But I think that I was asking a prejudiced source so I'm mulling it over.

I should ask it something else, but I am afraid of the answer. Please enter my world for a moment...

We have stairs at work. Our offices are upstairs, which is great, cause there is a view. Yay, view! There are two staircases, one in the back, and one in the front where I work. I have become obsessed with the stairs next to me. The banisters surrounding the stairs are perfect for leaning on while you're talking to people making coffee or whatever in the break area. I often lean on them and look down the staircase, or peek down into the reception area of the office downstairs.

I have become increasingly scared of the stairs. Every time I walk past them, I invision a "Final Destination" series of events that has me flailing, Skechers over skull, down to my inevitable bloody and broken death. Since they are surrounded on three sides this is highly unlikely. I cannot stand to walk past them, because I always look. I have tried not to look but then I know the stairs will sneak up on me, grab my ankle, and yank me forcefully down, arms akimbo.

And THEN who will fax those documents?

So what is scaring me, falling down the stairs, or that if I do, I will be easily replaced? "The last girl fell down the stairs. Awful, just awful. Yeah, we found her when one of us went downstairs to run get some sweet tea from Connie's Hot Dog stand...."

I guess maybe what scares me the most is the fact that if it did happen, and again, what are the chances... but for the first time in my entire life, there is no one home to answer the phone when something bad happens to me.

Magic 8-ball, will I die lonely and surrounded by cats?
"Yes"

Well, shit. I hate you, Magic 8-ball.