The One About Homemade Christmas Gifts

I know my blog is really behind, and I have absolutely no excuse. On with the show!

I gotta tell you guys about the homemade Christmas gifts I got this year. My friend Kellie sent me two, because she’s awesome. Here's the long-ass backstory about one of them:

Okay, so first of all you should know that I didn’t really have things like.. “plates” and “silverware”. I did have those things at one time, but.. you have to wash them. I really hate washing dishes. I have an inner frat guy (he’s the one that laughs at fart jokes. my inner gay man hates him) Anyway, Inner Frat Guy (IFG), is all “I don’t wanna wash dishes!” and I’m like “Dude, we have to wash dishes. We’re an adult.” And he’s like “No way! Let’s get take out and watch episodes of Entourage from Netflix!”

Now, maybe you don’t have an internal frat guy, but he’s extremely persuasive, especially when I’m tired. So there were times where I’d just go into my kitchen and turn around and walk back out again. If I can’t see them, they aren’t there. I like to call that Doing Dishes with Metaphysics. Sometimes I’d fill the sink with hot soapy water to let them “soak” and then stumble into the kitchen the next morning all “What happened in here last night???” and then I’d drain the now cold water and hope no pictures ended up on the internet.

Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I threw it all away. I mean… not like I was using it, right? I got my kitchen to what could pass as clean if it’s kinda dark and decided it would be paper plates and solo cups for me. I’d wash my one fork and two spoons and whatever else I used and be happy with that. Until I mentioned to Jaimie that I didn’t have dishes. Well, wait, I did have a plate, but it was my sister’s - she’d sent me home with something once so that’s why I had it. Jaimie was incredulous. No plates?? One fork?? A dish that belongs to your sister?

So I email Kellie some rambling email about my lifestyle choice regarding dishes and since I’m very silly, I was all “Fuck plates! It’s just society’s way of keeping me in the kitchen like some Martha Stewart clone!” and we laughed cause I’m stupid. I ended up getting a whole set of REALLY nice hand-me-down plates from my friend Wendy. They’re gorgeous and far too nice for me, but my inner gay LOVES them. Kellie sent me a package with silverware, and suddenly I’m living like a real girl. (mostly…)

THE HOMEADE GIFT: Kellie made me a plaque of sorts. It’s a black dinner plate, and in pink foam letters it says “FUCK PLATES” and it’s got little pink foam hearts on it. I’m going to hang it over my kitchen sink.

The other gifts!

Kellie also made me a mini-lunchbox that’s decoupaged with all the stuff that I love. I’ve used it as a purse a few times and I dig how much my friends like it, too. It’s got everything on there! Kevin Smith, The Clash, Sid Vicious, Seth Green, zombies, stuff from some of my favorite movies.. and of course Vin Diesel. It’s so rad. I might actually have to dig out my digital camera to take pictures of it to post. Not only did she obviously spend a lot of time on it, it’s a reminder that someone is listening to me babble about all the stuff I like. And she put homemade rice crispy treats inside! I love her!

My friend Laura made me the coolest thing, too. Knowing my love of http://www.postsecret.com/, she gave me this cool box full of secrets! FULL OF SECRETS! She asked her co-workers, our friends, and had Jaimie ask some people at the library, too. I have librarian secrets in there! Isn’t that the coolest thing ever??? Do you know anyone else that got their very own collection of secrets for Christmas? I BET YOU DON’T!

My friends are badass.

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