Brick

A conversation between me and a movie I got from Netflix called Brick. The voice of the movie in your head is to be read by Denzel Washington. I could be read as me.

Begin:

Hey movie, you were on this girl’s Netflix list who liked a lot of movies that I also enjoyed.

Oh, well it’s nice to meet you, Cookie.

Indeed, Brick. Shall we begin?

Yes we may. Come, have a seat.

Hey, that’s the little kid from Third Rock from the Sun.

Yes, but let’s not focus on that.

But look how grown up he is.

Yes, exactly. He’s grown up now.

Look at his hair, weird…

Why don’t we just focus, shall we?

Right, right. *skknt* Hey next time you see him tell him to stop trying to be Heath Ledger.

He has his own acting st-

Dude, he’s not even playing this part, he’s playing Heath Ledger playing this part!

Cookie, please.

Sorry.. right, okay this is kinda weird.

It’s not weird, it’s hip.

Yeah, okay. Hip. La la la.. hey okay, maybe it’s trying to be too hip.

It will all unfold.

Uh-huh.. okay well aren’t those pictures a little “too” artfully torn? I mean, isn’t this all a little “too”?

No, it’s hip. Listen to that dialogue. It’s rapid fire. Tch – tchtch - tch.. hear that beat?

Are you about to do impromptu Mouth Jazz? Because it really makes me feel uncomfortable when people do that.

I’m not doing – no, what is Mouth Jazz?

Next thing I know, you’ll be scatting.

I am not going to start scatting.

I’m just saying..

Will you please just watch?

Okay!

Thank you.

DUDE WHAT IS WITH THE CAMERA ANGLES???

WILL YOU STOP IT?

Seriously! This isn’t a movie, it’s an episode of MAD TV, guest starring Heath Ledger, in a skit making fun of hip-cool-crazy-high-school-stylistic-teen-art-house-movies!

HEATH LEDGER IS DEAD!

Shit! Oh, play the dead card now.

Calm down and watch this fucking thing!

The dead card, really? You’re stooping to that? Cause that’s low. I mean, Heath Ledger dying is NOT funny.

I didn’t say it was.

Well you implied I’d be the kind of person who would make light of Heath Ledger dying and I’m certainly NOT!

I didn’t say you were!

He’s got a CHILD!

I know that!

God, you’re so insensitive.

Look, I’m sorry..

Just be quiet and let me watch the movie.

*indistinguishable mutter*

What?

Nothing.

That’s what I thought.

~