Devestation Television

Okay.

Are you guys sitting down?

This is big.

I didn't want to upset you, but.. The Jewelry Channel has broken it off with me.

Yes.

Yes.

Look, I know. I was totally caught off guard, too.

I think.. I think maybe TJC thought I didn't love it anymore. Maybe it was jealous of all the time I was spending with Emmett. I don't know. Things aren't clear. They won't text me back! And I don't know what to do!

Oh god, I think I'm having the anxiety attacks!!!

Okay. Right. Yes. Details.

I was sitting on my bed with Emmett, and I turn to channel 226. And at first, I'm like "What the fuck?" and THEN I was like "What the FUCK?" and then I saw that my eyes had not deceived me, and I was all "Seriously! What the FUCK!!?"

So, I tried to calm down, which was hard cause Emmett was trying to comfort me by licking me, and so I'm trying to freak out and dodge his Gene Simmons-like tongue at the same time. I finally figure out that I can search for a channel just like I could a show. I search. Nothing.

TJC? Is gone.

Michelle will not talk to me about aquamarine anymore while I'm getting ready for work.

I won't hear Sayed say "Woooooooooow" anymore.

What will happen to Bonnie's dog, Mr. Cheeks? Yeah! I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.

When I wake up in the middle of the night with a bad dream? There will be no Christian trying to sell me a bracelet.

*sigh*

I did what any normal person would do. I freaked out and called DIRECTV and explained my plight to Jessica the CSR. She assured me that she completely understood why I was upset. Then she told me that DIRECTV hadn't dropped the channel, but whoever owned the channel just pulled it out of the programming and replaced it with something else.

Then she gave me free Showtime for 3 months cause she was pretty cool.

Then? The Internet called me and broke the news.

Dudes. I'm not a slighted lover.

I'm a WIDOW.

A widow with FREE SHOWTIME!

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