Bitterness

Today I am irritable. Work is very slow, and instead of being happy, it just makes me feel like I'm in prison. Then when I actually *do* get work it's almost like I'm being interrupted from slacking off and I become all *SIGH* and *HUFF*. I'll be glad when we pick up, cause it makes the day go by faster. I kinda feel guilty for just surfing the 'net all day and getting paid for it. Sometimes the highlight of my day at work (besides my pal Sonya) is my miriam webster email about the word of the day.

So, at work we have XM radio. When one of the owners is out of town, we have to listen to country music. Because he hates it, so that's the only time "they" get to hear it. Other than that, I have no complaints. This morning while I was booting up my computer, Norah Jones came on. I was happy, because... Norah.

Then this country song came on, and it really just pissed me off. It's by Tim McGraw...

Chorus:
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying

You know what? Fuck YOU Tim McGraw. Fuck you, and your sky diving, and your Rocky Mountain climbing. What a trite, bullshit song. I bet it went platinum.

The song is even about a guy who tells "Tim" he hopes one day he gets to live like he was dying. I hope you get to feel what it's like to be dying someday, friend. Let's go get a burger and I'll wish plagues upon your houses. Tomorrow I wish you pestilance and calamity, even.

Oh, well he just meant that you should live life like you are gonna lose it tomorrow, take every moment at it's fullest....

Oh yeah? Fuck that, too.

I'm getting a divorce. I'm bitter about it. I don't know if I believe in love anymore. I miss my mother. I don't trust anybody. I am starting to believe that there is no one out there that is good. I am losing my hope in mankind. I can't trust my own emotions at all. My head is filled with dark things. I try to fight but I feel so weak, and so tired. I don't know what to do, when to do it, or how. I'm confused.

So fuck Tim McGraw for writing such trite crap that is supposed to make me feel better but all it does it confuse me more. Live like I'm dying? I am dying, on the inside. Only no one sees, it's rotting away at me.

Apparantly if I go ride a bull and climb a mountain my life will be peachy keen, jelly bean. I am living like I'm dying. And it's no fun at all.

/end bitter diatribe

Okay, now I feel better.

Uh, how about that local sports team?