Driving Me Fucking Crazy

I currently am negotiating with a couple that is Driving Me Fucking Crazy. Below, I will try to re-enact what I've been going through for over a week now.

Mr. Seller-Guy: I'm selling this Mustang for $50k, as-is.

Innocent Negotiator: Yay!

Pure Evil: I want it!

IN: Yay!

PE: Wait. But first, I need the air conditioner, the lighter, and the radio fixed.

IN: Mr. Seller-Guy, are you willing to ..

Mr.S-G: NO! I'm busy!

IN: Pure Evil, they said no. It's as-is.

PE: I need to talk to Henry Ford.

IN: Henry Ford is dead.

PE: I still need to talk to him because I need details as why the lighter doesn't work.

IN: But.. he's dead. And Mr.S-G owns it now.

PE: I don't care. Also, there is a rip in the seat. I need to talk to Henry Ford about that, too.

IN: But... Henry Ford is dead.

PE: I don't care. Ressurect him.

Mr.S-G: I heard from a related third-party that they are nit-picking in order to get this car at a cheaper price.

IN: Duly noted.

PE: Did I mention that the air conditioner doesn't work? Also, I know the man who worked on the assembly line building this car, because I used to buy lunch from his wife's deli.

IN: Okay.. would you like to make another offer?

PE: Only if they fix the lighter, the rip, the air-conditioner, and the radio.

IN: They won't fix anything. You either want the car or you don't.

PE: That's MY car, I'll do anything to get that car!

IN: Even pay $50k and stop bitching?

PE: NEVER!!!

Mr.S-G: Hey IN? I have another offer, so let's get moving.

IN: Pure Evil! They have another offer, please hurry if you want to buy it! You can buy it for $50k but they are NOT going to fix ANYTHING. You HAVE to buy it just like it is right now or else you can. not. have. this. car. Also, I need your answer right away, and this is the final time you get to make an offer.

PE: Nah, we don't want it.

IN: Thank God.

PE: Wait, we changed our minds! Hey, do you know if it has floor mats?

IN: What do floor mats have to do with it?

PE: It's completely important to me and I want to talk to you about floor mats.

IN: Okay, lets discuss floor mats. *discusses floor mats for 2 hours*

PE: Okay, great! Now that we have that out of the way, I just need to make sure they are paying for the lighter, the radio, and the air-conditioner.

IN: But.. I just... *calls Mr.S-G hoping the car is sold*

MrS-G: *doesn't answer his phone*

IN: *dead inside*

PE: We're waiting....

IN: No! They will not pay for those things. Now do you want it or not?

PE: Did you raise Henry Ford from the dead yet so I can ask him about the lighter?



Soon. Soon the world will end because of my fury.