It's Like Christmas Around Here

The past few days at work have been kinda fun. I think I mentioned that I was thinking of getting my real estate license. Did I? Cause I was. Thinking it. Innyway, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. I knew if I asked work about it, that there would be a whole "following through" thing that I didn't know if I wanted to, you know, follow-through with. So me, Mike (my boss), Jenny (my supervisor) and April were sitting around the table eating lunch the other day. Mike, out of the blue, tells me that he'll pay for me to go get my real estate license.

I know!

So a few minutes later, totally separate conversation... there is a mention of costumes. Jenny made some crack about Mike and his wife using their Halloween costumes for purposes other than trick-or-treating. ( IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, WINK NUDGE.) Mike is so sweet, and he says something about his wife having a hamburger costume for a tap dance class she took, and we all giggle. He doesn't get it, which I love about him.

Somehow the conversation steers to Skinamax, (Mike didn't know what that was) and I talk about letting the tv run one night when I was on the computer, and then hearing the porn music... turning around... nakedness!

M: My wife can't sleep at night sometimes, and one night she fell asleep watching HBO, and I wake up to hearing *makes heavy breathing, a la asthma attack*
All: *laugh*
M: So, I sit up, and I thought something was wrong with her! But then I saw the tv was on, and it was one of those movies, so I turned it off.
Celeste: *from her desk* Suuuuuure you did.
J: You know you woke her up and said "Hey, put on that hamburger costume. I want some fries with that."

I don't know if anyone will think that is as funny as April and I did. But I almost fell out of my chair. Awesome.

And on an aside... soft porn. Come on.. They look at each other meaningfully and then the next scene is them both naked, with his face a good 6 inches from her crotch while she makes porn face and breathy moans. Sure, there is T&A, but the breasts are so incredibly fake it's like watching a man try to palm a basketball.

Not sexy, is what I'm saying. I know it's for teenage boys and people too shy for real porn. I just think.. can't you.. I don't know.. make it better?

For instance, I hate how they look at each other and then BAM, cut to bedroom. That? Is no fun. It should be like real sex.

Him: So um.. do you wanna...
Her: I don't know, I have to get up early in the morning.
Him: Oh.. well..
Her: But I mean...
Him: Yeah.
*uncomfortable silence*
*stare*
*look away*
Her: So..
Him: Well I'd better let you get to bed.
Her: Yep, yeah I'd better...
*awkward pause at the door*
*the lean in*
*the kiss*
*the stumbling back into the living room*
*tripping over something on the way to the bedroom*
*the nervous and slightly hysterical giggles*

You know the rest.. hey, this isn't HBO, make up the rest yourselves.

Pervs.