Sexiest Man Alive

This morning my radio alarm went off, and I woke to Jessica Simpson saying:

"They had to digitally remove my acne on the pictures and I was like "Oh my gorsh, we have GOT to do something about this."

No offense, but damn, Jessica. I can't believe she is considered one of the hottest women in America. She's hollow inside. She's a hollow chocolate bunny, is what she is.

I started thinking about how women aren't much better at picking cool guys to be the most popular actors. Jude Law? Cheated on his woman with the nanny. Colin Farrell? Cheated on all his woman with all the nannies. Orlando Bloom? Is gay. Yeah, I said it!

I'm making my own list. I now present to you:

Cookie Magazine's Sexiest Mens Alive

Jason Schwartzman

I've had a crush on him since Rushmore. He's a total hottie as far as I'm concerned. I'm way more interested in what Jason Schwartzman is doing than reading about TomKat. What IS Jason Schwartzman doing? Does anyone have his phone number?

David Krumholtz

He's arrived at "Hey, it's that guy!" status. I thought he was adorable in Santa Clause (yes, I said that) and I noticed him again as Mr. Universe in Serenity. I can't help it, he was a cute geek in that movie and I have a jones for smart guys. I recently saw him in Freeks & Geeks playing a self-confessed "charming jew" and I fell in love with him. It's love, now. I'm telling my family at Thanksgiving.

Kal Penn

Do I really need to say anything? I loved him in Harold & Kumar so much that I watch it almost everytime I see it on Starz. That's a lot, for those of you that don't have Starz. When I finally got around to watching Van Wilder, it was over for me. The love circle was complete.

And the number one sexiest man alive:

Seth Green

I have been in love with Seth Green since the Rally's Ch-Ching commercials. My undying adoration has never waned for him. No matter how much I love say, Vin Diesel, it doesn't compare to how much I love Seth. We have something special.

Why hasn't he been picked for Sexiest Man Alive yet. Is it because he's short? If it's cause he's short, I'll cut you, People Magazine. I'll cut you twice. I myself like men over 6ft, but Seth.. oh he's so CUTE! It just makes him cuter that he's short. His adorable factor is off the scale.

And if anyone needs any reason other than his adorability, charm, humor and talent? I got two words for you: Robot. Chicken.

That? Is sexy.