Snippets

Below are snippets of conversation I've heard or been a part of that made me laugh, as well as some of my favorite text messages I've gotten from my friend Kellie lately.

I was in the bathroom at the movie theatre, a little boy and his grandmother came in.

Little Boy: *grunting* (which was enough to crack me up)
Grandma: Now, hurry up, we're missing the movie.
Little Boy: *sings* ~I'm pooping.~

Unnamed Friend: *in the middle of a conversation, starts wiggling/swaying her hips around* Man, I musta put that tampon in sideways.
Me: *dies laughing*
UF: Maybe it's just freakin out cause I haven't had anything up in there for so long.
Me: *wheeze*

Male Friend: I heart you.
Me: Aww, I heart you, too.
MF: I'd have your baby.
Me: You would?
MF: Hell yes. I'd walk around telling everybody how you threw that shit up on me and knocked my ass up.
Me: HA HA HA HA HAAAA
MF: I'd be proud of it, too.

My boss: If you would start eating breakfast and quit smoking, your whole life would get better.
Me: For reals? That's all it takes?
MB: Yes. That's it.
Celeste: Not God or trying to live your life right?
MB: No, just start eating breakfast and quit smoking.
Me: Well, whodathunkit? I need to start doing that then.
MB: It would change your life.
Me: I can't believe that's all it takes and no one ever told me.
MB: Yep.
Me: My whole life is about to change, everything will fall into place.
MB: Might even start having visions!
Me: I gots to try that, then.

Text Messages from Kellie, Part I

March 20, 2006 (in response to me telling her that Angie was pregnant)
"Dude... is it yours?"

March 24, 2006
"I just bought 7 bags of topsoil. I'm so fucking punk."

March 24, 2006 (it's more fun with no explanation)
"Yes! Log on quick, we're about to do human bowling"

April 22, 2006 (there was a street preacher at Sonic who was scaring me)
"Street preachers are fun. Scream that he'll never guess your demon name, then throw yourself on the ground and convulse."

I know the coolest people in the entire universe. Hands fucking down, bitches!