Meet Virginia, I Can't Wait To

I'm leaving for Virginia early tomorrow morning. I feel just like Red, when he skipped parole and took the bus to cross over the border so he could live on the beach with Andy Dufresne.

Leslie is letting me use her new Magellan Maestro GPS. She's also letting me borrow some big earrings. I'm going to be the version of Cookie that wears big earrings without feeling conspicuous. I like that version of myself. Vacation Cookie is way cooler than Everyday Cookie.

Thanks to the generosity of my friend Kellie, I'll be bringing Murphy with me. All my friends & family seem way more concerned about what I was gonna do with Murphy than they were about me.

"Oh, you're going to see a punk band called Anti-Flag in Washington D.C., murder capitol of the world, on the day our first black President will be inaugurated? Huh. Well, what about Murphy?"

I'm worried about having Murphy that close to the Obamas. I know once they see him, they'll want to adopt him. The CIA will take him, and if I try to resist, they'll pin some government conspiracy on me.

It'll be just like Braveheart, only in the nation's capitol, and I'll be screaming about how you can take my big earrings, but you'll never take my WIENER DOG!!!

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