Britney Spears Talks!
Did anyone else watch the Britney Spears interview last night on Dateline? I looked forward to it all week. I realized half-way through the interview that I seriously need a gay best friend who smokes too much and is a total *bitch*. I was trasnfixed. My blog now has to be the equivalent of my missing gay man-friend.
Did you SEE what she was wearing? Oh my GOD, Britney, put your breasts back in, and that skirt is too short, for god's sake you are pregnant with your second child. And those SHOES?! Did you see her shoes? Seriously!! They were glorified flip-flops.
Do we need to talk about her hair? Where is her stylist? Where is her HAIRBRUSH?
Can I bring up the eyelashes clumped together on one side, and how everytime she blinked she frightened me a little? Is that.. what's that, a spider living on your eyelashes now?
Please, please, please tell me that someone else saw her chomping on that damn gum in her mouth like some cow chewing cud as she tried to convince Matt Lauer that her marriage was "awesome". She kept that damn gum in her mouth the whole time, chomping away at it, it was disgusting and beautiful at the same time.
Oh oh!!! And the best part, was when Matt was like "Did you see these headlines that read "Is the Marriage Over: We Hope So" and she stuck her lip out like a petulant child and said "Awww." and how she thought it was MEAN? And then she said people should be "pro-love" and she even did the FINGER QUOTES?! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHiiiiieeeeee!!!
Oh!! And THEN? He was all "How do you respond to that?" and she was like "I don't respond to trash." and you KNOW Matt and the rest of America was all "Then how do you talk to KEVIN!?"
HA HA HA HA
Okay, so then? She totally cried, and it wasn't the sweet cry, it was the ugly cry where her face got all bunched up and she kept smacking at that gum going "They just need to realize that we're people!" Oh that was so great, it was like the best thing I ever saw.
Oh oh oh!! So then she kept trying to be eloquent and express her thoughts in an orderly fashion but she couldn't, so she'd just ramble on and on and on (sort of like me but not as adorable) and nothing she said made sense and it was all SO FABULOUS I could have DIED.
My favorite was when she was talking about guesting on Will & Grace and she was like "Oh, I loved it, I love funny people... because they're just so funny.. and it's like.. you know... hilarious."
Then she told us how she does laundry and walks around in rollers and makes good sweet tea, and the reason she had her baby on her lap in the car was because she's "country."
Okay, so. In conclusion... Brit-NEY, where is your MAMA? And your stylist? And your public relations team? I'm not saying you have to be someone your not. If you're country and you like sweet tea then you go, and you be who you are. But, there is a difference between country and trash, and I'm waiting for you to be on an episode of COPS at any moment.
Do you think a Miss Loretta Lynn would be caught dead with that hair? Those clothes? Smacking that gum? No ma'am, she would not!
Britney, you are not salt of the earth. You are the slow decline of that perfect girl in high school that we all hated, and that's why the media follows you. America doesn't love you anymore, but they just can't help but take a terrible joy in seeing you fall apart before our very eyes.
If you would just admit Kevin was a big mistake, I bet your mama would forgive you.
*sigh*
Now I feel better.
posted by Cookie @ Friday, June 16, 2006
5 Comments:
OK, I'm at work but I had to do a google blog search to see if anyone was writing about the interview and I found you. Oh my god, thank you. You summed up beautifully everything I am feeling and thinking. She was out of control. Beyond train wreck mesmerizing, almost wtc mesmerizing. Did you see her boobs? Thanks again!
Her boobs were *so* out of control! And if they'd been fabulous I would have given her props. They weren't. They were.. just... like some terrible anti-drug commerical, only with breasts.
These are your breasts.
These are your breasts after KFed.
It would have only been better if she'd been smoking or popped open a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon right in the middle of the interview.
Hell yes, sista. The blogs on britney today are so great..."hysterical" even. lol. The hair was the worst. THE worst. How much money does she have? Seriously, no excuse.
Be well and thanks for the good read,
Chelsea
I kept wondering if just her implants were being pushed over the top of her dress and her actual milk glands were staying inside. So nasty, so leathery.
I loved when she was talking about K-Fed and said "Of course he has his own life, he's a man." And all I could think of was "No he's not, he's a semi-retarded child." She was talking about him as if he was going to go out and build a skyscraper instead of be a flyboy.
Lastly, a bunch of other bloggers are all "Oh, I didn't know the paparazzi were so cruel. Poor Brittany." Now if Brittany, or any other celbrity for that matter, is willing to give back all the money they earned as a result of media/tabloid coverage, then complain about a lack of privacy, I might listen. But hey, she bought the ticket and now she has to stay on the ride as it goes screaming off the rails, which I consider fair play to those of us who had to put up with her semi-talented ass being everywhere forever.
That's it. Thanks for letting me vent.
Vent away, I totally dig it.
She reminded me of one of those sad little kittens you find with the crusty eyes in the supermarket parking lot. I just wanted to take her home, give her a bath, brush her hair, wipe her eyes and dip her for fleas.
Oh, and I didn't even touch on her defending Kevin. Are we to believe she actually supports him? Will she stop at NO END to try to prove to America she really did the right thing in marrying him?
I've tried since the interview to have deep, intellectual thoughts. I just can't...
It's the chewing gum. It haunts me so.
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