Love and The Knitting Circle

Sometimes at knitting we talk about boys. There are a few opinions I've expressed there that have been met with stares, and then something like "Why aren't we writing these down?" So, here I am, writing my stupid shit down about love. Or lub, if you will.

Underneath the hard, thick, bitter casing that surrounds my heart, there is something that I can only describe to you as marshmallow creme. If you know me, you already know this, even though I totally think that you don't, and I'm fooling all of you into believing I'm way tough and mean. Well, I'm not. I think I might even be a romantic.

So, a few weeks ago at knitting we were discussing our tv boyfriends. I've noticed all my tv/movie boyfriends have posessed one aspect that I can just not get enough of: Yearning.

Oh, to yearn for love. And to yearn for unrequieted love? Dude, I'm in your camp. I'm rooting for you. I *hate* that guy (or girl) that the girl (or guy) you love notices instead of you. I'm all up in your angst! If you're broken up, and you still love them, and they don't love you anymore? My lip is trembling for you, dude. It totally is. And if I'm alone on my couch and no one else is around, I'm probably crying like a baby, too.

This is what I love:

The dramatic gesture. Ohhhhh, it just gets me everytime. You're outside Diane Court's house playing "In Your Eyes"? You've called her cell phone 18 times begging for a call back? You show up without sleep and profess your undying devotion and/or love? You call her friends and ask "Why won't she call me, doesn't she know I'm dying without her?"

The gestures, the declarations, the mother-fucking heart-wrenching SPEECHES???

I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT, I LOVE IT ALL!!

And yes, I do want that for myself. Man, fuck all this stupid shit about being responsible, and thinking things through. I want to be swept off my fucking feet. Yeah! I do! So?? AND??? You gonna give me problems because I want some man to be totally WRECKED over me?

I'm just gonna say it, publically, instead of at knitting.

At least once, I want some man's life to be ruined over the simple fact that he loved me. I want him to grow a beard cause he doesn't care to shave. I want him to be glassy-eyed and unable to hold a conversation. I want him to wake up with his face in a pizza cause he passed out crying because he remembered that I like mushrooms on my pizza, too, and WHY WON'T SHE CALL ME?? I want him to jump when the phone rings and be disappointed it's not me. I want him to smell a t-shirt I left at his house. And then? Cry all over it. I want him to show up at my house and beg me to let him in. I want to hear the words "Please, baby.."

Yeah, that's right. I want passion. I want some fucking romance up in this piece! I want bad poetry and phone calls in the middle of the night because he can't wait until morning to hear my voice!

~psycho~

Yes, I realize it's a little crazy. I know that if it happened I'd be kinda freaked out. And I'd cry a LOT if I hurt someone that much.

But damn, in the days where everyone keeps trying to act like they are just too cool to care, I just want a man who can feel, and who isn't fucking afraid of it.

So there, I said it.

I also kinda want Adrian Paul from Highlander. Dude, he's hot.