Torn

Alex is coming home today. I was so nervous all week because I keep expecting him to decide he hates me. He should, you know. He should hate me until the day he dies. I know what he and other friends would say, which is basically "Nuh-uh!" However, no one knows you like yourself. And I openly admit that I'm a bitch, hard to live with, and selfish. And I also know that for the most part? People don't think that. (Hey, I said for the most part...) And I am glad that my family and friends are forgiving of my failures.

I'm sorry for everything that happened in our marriage that I did wrong. I'm sorry for being impatient. I'm sorry for that "tone". I'm sorry that I went to bed angry. I'm sorry that I got apathetic about it all. I'm sorry I didn't throw the computers out of our bedroom window. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry everything got so messed up and I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'm sorry I can't be what you need.

I'm thankful for the support of my friends. I'm thankful that the man I married forgave me. I'm thankful that he still thinks I'm pretty cool (pre-co). I'm thankful that he is coming home, and will probably let me hug him. I'm thankful that people still love me even though I screw up.

And most of all, today.. I'm thankful that my friend is coming home.