Adam Sandler is no Vin Diesel

Friday night I went with Jaimie & Jimmy to see Click. This nervous little movie theatre kid approaches me to tell me that the projector is broken. I ask if it'll be fixed, and he says "No, it's like, really broken." Ohhh.. *really* broken. I see. Not just fake broken. So, I go let J & J know, and we stand around trying to figure out which movie to go see. Jaimie tries to talk sense and say Over the Hedge but nay, Jimmy & I talk her into Fast & the Furious III. Cause God knows the first one was cinematic genius so they had to make two more.

I was actually excited about getting to sit next to Jaimie at such a terrible film, cause I'm a big nerd and Jaimie makes me laugh a whole lot. The best part is that we were in the movie with people that ACTUALLY wanted to go see it. They purposely paid money and everything! There was two guys sitting near us, and as they showed the previews for You, Me & Dupree, I say "That looks stupid" and the guy sitting close to us says "That looks purty good."

So there we go.

Movie starts. Lucas Black. Hee, he sounds like us. Hey it's Brad from Home Improvement! Oh nos, trouble and yelling and racing and crashing and police and bye Lucas Black you're going to Japan to live with your dad who is kinda weird and likes Japanese hookers. Blah blah culture shock. School uniform with slippers. Pretty girl in front row. Japan rocks! Bow Wow (I wonder if they call him Bow for short). Focus on technology-savvy Japenese kids. Cool hair. Fast cars. Pretty girl is dating Mean Nephew of the Head of the Japanese Mafia. Racing. Emotionally detached guy lets Lucas race his cool car. Oh, he crashes cause it's all about the drift, you silly American. Scary Japanese Mafia, boo. Japan sucks! At home: Dad. Have you been racing? Who, me, whut? Hey son, YOU GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!!

Me and Jaimie laugh for 10 minutes.

You wrecked my car but I don't care cause I'm so cool, I'm gonna show you around. Stay away from pretty girl in front row cause Mean Nephew will kill you. No really, stay away. No. Really. Why aren't you getting it?

Montage. Making friends. Learning to drift. Japanese sayings that don't make sense. Weird Japanese mafia turf wars. (~when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day bah bah~) Awww, your friend dies. That was sad.

Serious emotional moments that make Jaimie and I laugh really hard because we're dead inside.

Lucas: Hey, Head of the Japanese Mafia, I know what will solve all of our problems! Let's have a race!
HotJM: Okay!
Lucas: Why didn't Michael Corleone think of that?

Montage of fixing up the wrecked car and putting all the cool-super- hip-engine-stuff into a Mustang, cause it's all about blending two cultures. See? It's like totally deep and shit.

Race!

Lucas wins! Mean Nephew looks mad about it! HotJM says "Everything is okay now. Racing solves all our problems!" Yay, the end!

No wait! VIN DIESEL WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?!?!?!

That's just what it's like. I saved you from ever having to see it.