Snippy Snoo

Last night I went over to Angie's house. Once Angie and I got back from our Super Secret Clubhouse Headquarters (aka driving around in Dewayne's new truck gossipping), Dewayne made us watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship. We were having so much fun I (for once) didn't give Dewayne (much) shit about what he forces us to watch. Though, while he was in the kitchen, Angie whispered to filch the remote. He heard us whispering and came running in screaming like a barbarian to snatch it. Then, he spent 5-10 minutes gloating about it. This is why we must LEAVE to gossip. If he hears us lower our voices or whisper, he's all up in our grill. (hee!)

Angie and I proceeded to do commentary on the fighting. I *want* to tell you what we said, but it is so filthy, so dirty and sexual in nature, that I just cannot let you know I would actually say those things out loud. I only say them in front of Angie. Even Dewayne (who's shock value could be compared to that of FA) turned around at one point and said "Damn! And y'all say men are bad." Of course, he absolutely loved it and laughed his ass off, but for DEWAYNE to tell us we were bad.. I think I need some sort of shiny badge I can wear.

I said that we should have the UFC for women and just put them in there to slap fight and pull each other's hair. Dewayne said I was a genius. Do they have that? If not, WHY NOT? I will totally sell out my entire sex to make some cash. We just need, what? A steel cage and some beer. It'll be like Girls Gone Wild but without the steel cage. It'll be our debut show on a new network for women that actually has things I'd watch. I mean, Lifetime shows women getting abused, at least this way they'll be getting fame and fortune. And I'll be getting a percentage.

Conversations With Joey About My Bladder Infection That I Wish Were Lies

Joey: Okay, come over after work and pick this medicine up. You need to start taking it immediately. It'll stop the pain.
Me: Cool, thanks. I'll be there.
Joey: It's gonna turn your pee orange.
Me: Neato.
Joey: You'll need to wear a panty liner.
Me: That... is just something I never thought you'd say to me.

The second was yesterday.

Joey: How's your bladder infection?
Me: It's cool, I'm all better.
Joey: Did that medicine work?
Me: Yep!
Joey: Did you stain your panties?
Me: Uh... no.
Joey: Good girl.
Me: Again. Another thing I thought you'd never say to me.
Joey: Hahahahahaha
Me: I can't look at you.

Though I pride myself on being someone who you can say anything to, I think it's time to place a limit on talking about my panties with men that aren't currently getting in them.