Update Schmupdate

I have been so sick. Just when I think I'm getting better, it turns out I'm not. Mucus is no one's friend.

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I have a new name to love. It was like God knew I wasn't feeling good, and there I am, working away, and I get an email from someone named Velvet Perez.

I just want you to close your eyes and whisper that to yourself. Velvet Perez.

Now, I don't know Velvet personally, right? But I'm thinking he's a ladies man. How could you NOT BE with a name like that?? Mom, Dad, I want you to meet my new boyfriend. ~Velvet Perez~ His first name is ~Velvet~ and his last name? It's ~Perez~. And that makes the most beautiful name in all the land. You have to ~sing about it~.

That is just worth going to work for right there.

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I went to KFC/Taco Bell. I didn't feel good, and I wanted mashed potatoes. But they had all these posters advertising hot wings. I was like "Man, I like hot wings." so I ordered them. Can't hurt to try them.

So then I'm waiting in the endless line that you always wait in if you go to a KFC/Taco Bell. Because they are doing serious work in there, people. Serious, serious work. That's why it takes so long. They have to mine for taco meat. I didn't know if you knew that. It's rough. It's a rough job, it's not for everybody. Mike Rowe doesn't even want to deal with how HARD it is to work at a KFC/Taco Bell, and all the schooling you have to go for? It is not that easy to find people who CARE THAT LITTLE.

There I am, waiting. Wishing I had my mashed potatoes. Sniffling. Then the lady in front of me, man she's taking a long time. I'm like "What is UP, Lady? Why didn't you go inside? What are you talking to the drive-thru girl for so long???" and then I notice that Lady is having a hard time taking her drink from the drive-thru girl. Her hands are shaking, badly. I start to feel bad. I'm like "Oh shit, here you've been back here being a bitch and this lady has got some sort of handicap. GOOD ONE, COOKIE. REAL NICE." and so I watch her take another 5 minutes just to get sauce from the girl, and I'm feeling SO BAD. Then the inner bitch chimes in. She's all "What the fuck is this bitch doing driving if she can't stop shaking long enough to take 2 packs of hot sauce from the drive-thru girl?"

Then I feel bad. But IB didn't feel bad. She was like "I just want my damn mashed potatoes."

I pull up to the window, and the girl is like "Did you order a pepsi, mashed potatoes, and hot wings?" and I'm like "Yes." and she says:

"Well. It's gon' be another 30 minutes on them hot wings."

And she says it to me like "I don't know what you were thinking ordering hot wings, you stupid bitch. Everyone knows it takes 45 minutes to fully cook that much meat."

Are hot wings the new Thanksgiving turkey? Are we slow cooking them now? WHAT THE EFF? Why does it take 30 minutes to cook 6 lil' ol' wings???? Why did you advertise all over your building with pictures of delicious looking hot wings that you WILL NOT GIVE TO ME??

I just drove off. I knew if I opened my mouth there was no telling WHAT would come out of it. I just drove away.

I know! How anti-climatic is that?? If you want, I can make up the rest of it, about how I yelled at her, and ripped apart the KFC/Taco Bell brick by brick just like Carrie. You just let me know.

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